


Let Her Go

by Jewsters1986



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Feels, Loss, One Shot, Reader Insert, Song fic, readerxlevi - Freeform, thug trio - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 22:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12616528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewsters1986/pseuds/Jewsters1986
Summary: Song fic set to "Let Her Go" - Passenger (Nightcore Version)





	Let Her Go

A/N: Listen as you read https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C76yS0OtJNA _  
  
“Well you only need the light when it's burning low.  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.  
Only know you love her when you let her go.”_  
  
The sky over humanity’s last remaining territories began to turn dark as clouds blacked out the sun’s cold rays.  
Large flakes of soft white snow slowly started to fall as the battle weary scouts of the Survey Corps made their way back to their headquarters after yet another failed expedition, they cared little for the change in the weather.   
Passing by the citizens who lined the streets to see them return home they kept their heads bowed, mourning the loss of their comrades...however one scout in particular was mourning the passing of someone he desperately wanted to be more than just his friend and comrade, someone he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with...but never realized how he truly felt about them until it was too late.  
  
 _“Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.  
Only hate the road when you're missing home.  
Only know you love her when you let her go.  
And you let her go."_  
  
“Come on Levi, let’s go!”   
Captain Levi Ackerman looked up to see a young h/l h/c scout run into his office, fully dressed in her scouting cloak and ODM Gear, there was a determined look in her e/c eyes.  
“Tch, calm down brat!” He snorted as he put on his own cloak.   
“Aw come on don’t deny it.” She giggled. “You love showing those titans who’s boss as much as I do!”  
Levi rolled his eyes and followed her, shutting the office door behind him.   
Despite his hatred of expeditions and how bad tempered it made him, with her at his side he felt slightly better about participating in them, knowing she would be there to keep him in line and for that he was grateful.  
  
Returning his horse to the stable he silently started to unsaddle it and get it settled in for the night, putting some extra hay down for it to roll in and covering it with a thick blanket to keep off the chill of the changing weather.  
Memories of his friend and former comrade plagued his thoughts, it had been three months since she was killed. Yet it still felt like yesterday.  
After her death he grew to hate expeditions even more than he already did.   
The very first one they went on, Isabel and Farlan were taken from him.   
He blamed himself for their deaths, vowing to do everything in his power to protect his one remaining true friend...unfortunately in the end, even she was taken from him.  
Why? Why had he not told her how he felt about her before? Why was it only when he had been forced to let her go did he finally realize that he loved her?  
 _  
“Staring at the bottom of your glass, hoping one day you'll make a dream last.  
But dreams come slow and they go so fast.”_  
  
Returning to his office he locked the door behind him, not wanting to be disturbed.  
Removing his cloak and ODM Gear, he stored them back in the wardrobe in his adjoining bedroom before heading back into the main office and sitting down at his desk.  
Reaching into one of the drawers of his desk, he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a small glass. Pouring himself some of the brown liquid he then looked back to the draw and picked up a battered piece of cloth bearing the Wings of Freedom that represented the Survey Corps...the emblem that had once adorned the left breast pocket of f/n's jacket.  
Picking up the glass and knocking back the contents in one gulp, Levi winced and exhaled as the strong alcohol burned his throat.   
Staring at the bottom of the glass he thought back to all the plans he and f/n had made after Farlan and Isabel died.   
Promises to stick together no matter what, to be there for each other through thick and thin, to keep Isabel and Farlan’s memories alive now it was just the two of them...   
F/n had even joked on many occasions that when the titans were finally defeated the two of them should leave the military, get married and finally fulfill Levi’s dream to open a tea shop in one of the nearby districts and live a normal life.  
Little did Levi know that despite the fact she talked about marriage with a cheeky grin on her face and a joking attitude, f/n was secretly in love with him and wanted nothing more than for him to return her feelings...  
  
 _“You see her when you close your eyes, maybe one day you'll understand why everything you touch surely dies.”_  
  
Levi sighed and poured himself another glass of whiskey.  
Leaning back in his seat he closed his eyes and swallowed hard, allowing more thoughts of f/n to enter his mind. The way her h/l h/c shone in the sunlight, the hypnotic hue of her e/c eyes, that cheeky smile she reserved only for him...  
Why did she have to die? Why did any of them have to die?  
Everyone he had ever cared about left him, always via the same route...death.  
His mother, Farlan, Isabel and more recently...f/n. What did he do to deserve life dealing him such a cruel fate?  
 _  
“But you only need the light when it's burning low.  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.  
Only know you love her when you let her go.”_  
  
The sun finally began its descent in the western sky, the snow becoming heavier and starting to settle on the ground below.  
Levi hated the snow, yet f/n had loved it.  
The first time she had seen it, Isabel and Farlan were still alive.   
Of course Isabel was all for starting a snowball fight, Farlan and Levi had remained skeptical of this little game and left them to it...until Isabel got cocky that is.  
“Hey bro, think fast!”  
Levi turned around and was instantly hit in the face with a large ball of the cold white substance.  
“You shitty brat!” He shouted, chasing after her.  
“Run Isabel!” Screamed f/n, tackling Levi to the ground and sitting on the base of his spine, allowing the giggling redhead to make her escape.  
Farlan had simply smirked and decided to chase Isabel after she launched an attack on him while Levi turned back to face f/n, giving her a dark glare.  
Despite the angry look on his face, his heart melted at the cheeky smile she gave him when she folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
 _“Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.  
Only hate the road when you're missing home.  
Only know you love her when you let her go.”_  
  
The world seemed much crueler without Isabel, Farlan and f/n by his side.  
It wasn’t until their deaths that he realized how much he needed them in his life, f/n especially.  
Expeditions seemed that much harder without the three of them watching out for him, while he never regretted joining the Survey Corps, he did wish he didn’t have to participate in these damned missions beyond the safety of the walls.   
He was sick of risking his life and making little to no progress against culling the titans numbers, but most of all...he was sick of losing everyone that mattered to him.  
  
 _“Staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old empty feeling in your heart.  
Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.”_  
  
Flopping down on his rarely used bed, Levi removed his cravat and placed it on the bedside table, placing his right arm behind his head and resting his left hand across his stomach, his cold grey eyes stared blankly up at the plain stone ceiling.   
He missed the nights when f/n would sneak in after curfew and drag him away from his work to come and snuggle with her when nightmares plagued her sleep. Something she had done when they were still in the Underground District.   
Admittedly at first he had found it to be mildly annoying, however as his feelings for her started to grow he, began to tolerate it and eventually enjoy it.  
Now whenever he managed to combat his insomnia long enough to actually enter the realm of sleep, his empty and broken heart ached for her warm embrace and soft fingers stroking through his raven hair.   
He sighed and and closed his eyes, if he thought about it hard enough he could still imagine her laying next to him with her head on his chest and her arms around his shoulders.  
  
 _“Well you see her when you fall asleep, but never to touch and never to keep.  
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep.”_  
  
Finally losing the battle, his insomnia gave way to exhaustion and Levi slipped into an uneasy rest.  
As was normal every time he managed to sleep, his dreams were haunted by images of f/n.  
She would smile and reach out for him, softly calling his name and beckoning him to walk with her beside the crystal clear lake that lay to the south of the ODM training forest.   
Yet every step Levi took to bring him closer to her seemed to fail, no matter how hard he tried to get to her he just seemed to remain exactly where he was.  
Walking was no good, so he tried running, that didn’t work either...nor did using his ODM Gear. However what hurt the most was the way she seemed to stay exactly where she was, still calling out his name with that sweet melodic voice he so dearly missed.  
  
 _“Well you only need the light when it's burning low.  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.  
Only know you love her when you let her go."  
_  
After an uneasy couple of hours sleep, Levi’s eyes slowly opened and once again he found himself staring up at the blank ceiling.  
With a groggy moan he pushed himself upright and ran a hand back through his raven hair, turning to look out of the bedroom window he noticed the snow had settled during the night.   
Dark clouds still covered the slowly rising sun, blocking out some of the brightness of its rays and shielding the world from the full effect of its heat.   
Levi had always preferred being in the light after spending so much of his life living in the Underground District, he hated it when the day was darkened by clouds that threatened rain or snow.   
Rain always reminded him of Isabel and Farlan, while snow always made him think of f/n.   
Once again when he thought of f/n, dark images of the day he lost her forced their way into his mind and taunted him over how he had failed to tell her how he felt about her before her untimely death.  
 _  
“Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.  
Only hate the road when you're missing home.  
Only know you love her when you let her go.”_  
  
It wasn’t until he lost f/n that Levi realized how much she truly meant to him, still having her by his side brought a happiness to his life that he thought had died with Isabel and Farlan. Even when he was feeling at his lowest, remembering her would allow him to once again reach the high he felt when she was still alive.   
With yet another expedition behind him, he was fully aware that another one would only be a matter of weeks away. He would once again spend his time training his squad ready to ride out beyond the walls without f/n by his side.  
Increasingly it came to pass that it wasn’t only his hatred of expeditions that intensified, the journey to and from the gates leading to the outside world soon became something he dreaded. Being within the walls of the Survey Corps HQ had been the only place he truly felt close to f/n since her death.   
Had he gotten his way she, Farlan and Isabel would never have had to experience an expedition. They would’ve stayed behind and been safe, however life didn’t work out like that.  
With a deep sigh he reached for his cravat on the bedside table and began to tie it around his neck, today he would have to face endless debriefs as well as identifying the bodies of the dead so their families could be informed of their demise.  
It never got any easier and was always the hardest part of being a scout.   
However the ache in his heart at needing to carry out this solemn duty would never compare to the way he felt when it was f/n’s broken and trampled body he had to identify.   
Burying her, along with losing Farlan and Isabel had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to endure. Never getting the chance to tell her he loved her before she died came in a very close second, but he couldn’t allow himself to regret not telling her how he truly felt. His heart wouldn’t allow it, so he simply promised her on her grave that he would keep her memory alive and started to slowly move forward with his life.  
  
 _“And you let her go...”_


End file.
